Last week after my exams I needed a break from Cathedrals and Matisse paintings so I went on youtube to watch movie trailers. I got inspired and by the end of the afternoon I had written 23 pages on "why do people get stuck in the past and worry about the future". Afterwords I found this among some of my old notebooks:
When I’m kissed
by a ghost of the past my mind pushes me to a dead end corner making me a spectator of my own life. Its as if a
white canvas is carved above my eyes and
instead of the present I see the images of the past being projected in cracks
like the movies discovered in basements, played out in old theatres.
Which confirmed the suspicion I had that my addiction with thinking about the past was not only a problem of the present (if that makes sense). I started reading the Fault in Our Stars by John Green. I got interested in the book after watching the movie trailer and falling in love with the main actor whom very much resembles a modern day James Dean, with is half smile and naughty sense of humour (maybe not the best reasons to pick up a book from a shelf). I was looking for some distraction but the book answered what was hanging on mind trough the whole week: why do I get stuck in the past?
Hazel Grace gave me the answer. Just in case you haven´t read the book: she is a terminal cancer patient whom falls in love with a boy whom like herself is dying. As depressing as it might sound the book refuses to create some sort of cheap or easy emotional response from the reader. It left me with the idea that sometimes we do wish too much and that the reason we get stuck in the past or worry about the future is that we do not pay enough attention to whom and to what is around us in the present. It seems so obvious doens´t it? But what can we do if we let go of our expectations and just live for today, for what we have now? Did you ever thought sometimes we take too much for granted?
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